Minny and Matty

I have a couple of people trapped inside me. No surprise there, I know. There are two in particular that are constantly bumping heads, and that's Minny and Matty.

Matty is the fat girl. Minny is the skinny girl. Does it make a tad bit more sense now?

This is not to say that skinny girls and fat girls can't get along. I happen to like a lot of skinny girls and I happen to dislike a lot of fat girls, but Minny and Matty can never seem to coexist. Matty wants to eat at IHOP 24/7, you know pancakes with a T-Bone steak and don't you dare trim the fat! Minny says it's ok to eat at sometimes, but you can't eat that, or that, or that either.

Damn Minny! What the hell can I eat? Are you trying to kill me? Do you WANT me to starve???? She always reassures me how an egg white spinach omelette or some crepes would be MUCH healthier since I insist on eating here today. Talk to the hand Minny. Talk to the hand.

Ever had one of those friends/co-workers/teachers who was damn near always right but everything they said went against what you wanted to do? They were like the little Jiminy Cricket you never wanted. That's Minny, the bitch I can't argue with because I won't win, and I LIKE to win. She means well, so I love her, but damn, I wanna eat the bad foods!

Matty on the other hand is like a drug. A delicious drug. A greasy, fatty, sugary sweet drug. A drug that tells me it's okay to eat whatever is in front of me and that whenever I wanna change I can just buy some rabbit food aka salad and call it a day! When I'm with Matty, I'm on a delectable high. After the food's gone, I feel so big. I can just feel myself getting bigger by the moment. Then I start cussing myself out and Matty starts to give me more reasons on why I should just be happy and continue that double chocolate cookies and cream ice cream until it is no more. I don't like Matty, but damn I have so much fun with her!

This week Matty has been kicking Minny's ass. For awhile, Minny was running thangs (yes I said "thangs"). Since she was working overtime, I sent Minny on vacation while I went on vacation and when she came back she was faced with an all new and improved (on her game) Matty. Matty has since had Minny in a super choke hold. It just ain't right.

I haven't heard from Minny all week. Each time I go to eat something I know I shouldn't, I wait to hear from her. All I get is that mean ass Matty saying, "Girl we got this. Matter of fact, eat enough to feed Minny's hungry ass too."  And I do. I happily oblige. I need a whoopin.

This battle is not over. I'm gonna do something to help Minny out, just not today. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. Minny I'm gon get ya back girl. It ain't over til the fat Matty sings.