Why I Think MTV Pulled Another Lame Stunt: Kanye Vs. Taylor

Anyone besides me remember when you couldn't wait for the VMAs to come on each year? Remember when the host actually had some kind a relevant career and we actually knew who they were? Remember when all kinds of artists actually attended? There would be so many artists that many of them HAD to sit near the back with some of the uh, dare I say it, regular folks. When did all that end? Where did it go wrong? It seems like one big blur now. A distant memory.

So yeah, we know MTV has had problems keeping their ratings up when it comes to their award shows. It's not like they're alone. The Oscars and The Grammys are having the same problem. BET Awards, I'm not even gonna go there. Back in the day, when I was young, the VMAs could pull in 12 million viewers. I'm not a kid anymore. Now MTV has to broadcast on three different channels and online, and still they can barely compete with the viewership they achieved on a one channel broadcast 10 years ago.

According to Broadcastcasting & Cable, last night's ratings didn't even crack the 9 million mark on MTV, but it is up 5% from last year's ratings. I think that's horrible since most people were only watching because of the Michael Jackson tribute. Had Michael Jackson not suffered from an untimely fate, what would the ratings look like then?

Panic, MTV, panic.

MTV was already busted for staging a stunt that included Bruno and Eminem earlier this year. I don't think I've watched the MTV Movie Awards since since Will and Jim stopped their award show antics in the 90s. I never understood why a music channel would find it necessary to host a movie award show anyway, but that's besides the point. I believe that was a test run. I believed it was a stunt from the moment I saw it. A couple of days later MTV and everyone involved came forward and told us it was fake. Ha ha we got you. Yeah, whatever. But it worked. Everyone was talking about it and it received a 78% jump from the previous year's ratings.

Now on to the VMAs, they knew once the MJ tribute was over, most of us would watch a little bit and then go back to our regularly  scheduled programs (I was kind of upset that they pulled Tool Academy 2 for the night. *sigh*). Anyhoo, for the ones who didn't turn or focus their attention elsewhere immediately, they were treated to a nice interruption from the one and only Kanye West (big surprise). He interrupted a young Taylor Swift from making her acceptance speech for her first moon man, because he thought Beyonce's Single Ladies was robbed. Later on in the show, Beyonce would invite Taylor out to finish her speech. Awww.

Whatever. MTV you got me. You suckered me and the millions of other viewers who were not even considering watching your boring, uninteresting, mostly irrelevant (Who is Russell Brand?) telecast. You have bloggers in the front like Perez? Are you trying to create celebrities? Is it that rough MTV? His ass needs to be covering the awards like any other blogger, from his personal laptop, watching the show on TV while his ass lays on the couch eating celery and dip (because you know he's on a health kick). That was a long ass sentence.

Yes I fell for it until Bey ended up winning for Video of the Year, which she should have. I'm not a Beyonce fan. but it doesn't make sense for her to lose Female Video of the Year and then win Video of the Year. First, Taylor shouldn't have even been nominated in the category. Britney's Womanizer should have. Better song, better video. It was also nominated for Video of the Year, but not Female Video of the Year. Something is not adding up.

1. Taylor was chosen because she makes a better victim than Pink, Brit, Katy, or Gag Lady
   
2. She's young, sweet, and country. She so kindly handed him the microphone too. Who wouldn't feel bad for her?
   
3. Kanye is the perfect bad guy. He does this at least once a year. We're used to it.
4. No security was present, nor did they cut his mic off. The program was on a delay, they could've at least attempted to shut it down.
   
5. Beyonce gets to be the hero, always associated with "class". I don't know why because she is always showing her ass. Put some damn clothes on and close your legs on stage!
   
6. MTV's ratings are in dire need of a boost. They have been for some years now. When word-of-mouth gets out about a stunt, people automatically tune in.
   
7. Celebs love a good publicity stunt, and we all know that bad publicity goes a lot further than good publicity.
8. The categories were all out of place. MTV was trying not to be so obvious giving awards out to their personal favorites. People were catching on. It still didn't work.
9. Taylor was so swiftly placed backstage so that Beyonce could call her out to finish her speech. All of sudden she's no longer emotional or surprised, looking like a dear caught in headlights. She's secure, confident, and mature.
10. MTV has done it before.

Even today, Twitter, Myspace, and Facebook are still blowing up with Kanye and madman antics. Good job MTV. Good job. You got us to remember the VMAs for the first time since...I don't even know. You may have pulled the rug over the eyes of those who were going to hate Kanye anyway, but not I. I don't like being tricked. I don't like having my highly selective (Frankie & Neffe) television watching time wasted. I'm insulted and I don't need a reason to watch your obviously lack of talented artists award shows ever again.

Oh who am I kidding?  Maybe I'll give in, maybe I won't, but you better step your game up MTV. Come hard or watch your prized program dwindle into oblivion with the rest of your channel.

Minny and Matty

I have a couple of people trapped inside me. No surprise there, I know. There are two in particular that are constantly bumping heads, and that's Minny and Matty.

Matty is the fat girl. Minny is the skinny girl. Does it make a tad bit more sense now?

This is not to say that skinny girls and fat girls can't get along. I happen to like a lot of skinny girls and I happen to dislike a lot of fat girls, but Minny and Matty can never seem to coexist. Matty wants to eat at IHOP 24/7, you know pancakes with a T-Bone steak and don't you dare trim the fat! Minny says it's ok to eat at sometimes, but you can't eat that, or that, or that either.

Damn Minny! What the hell can I eat? Are you trying to kill me? Do you WANT me to starve???? She always reassures me how an egg white spinach omelette or some crepes would be MUCH healthier since I insist on eating here today. Talk to the hand Minny. Talk to the hand.

Ever had one of those friends/co-workers/teachers who was damn near always right but everything they said went against what you wanted to do? They were like the little Jiminy Cricket you never wanted. That's Minny, the bitch I can't argue with because I won't win, and I LIKE to win. She means well, so I love her, but damn, I wanna eat the bad foods!

Matty on the other hand is like a drug. A delicious drug. A greasy, fatty, sugary sweet drug. A drug that tells me it's okay to eat whatever is in front of me and that whenever I wanna change I can just buy some rabbit food aka salad and call it a day! When I'm with Matty, I'm on a delectable high. After the food's gone, I feel so big. I can just feel myself getting bigger by the moment. Then I start cussing myself out and Matty starts to give me more reasons on why I should just be happy and continue that double chocolate cookies and cream ice cream until it is no more. I don't like Matty, but damn I have so much fun with her!

This week Matty has been kicking Minny's ass. For awhile, Minny was running thangs (yes I said "thangs"). Since she was working overtime, I sent Minny on vacation while I went on vacation and when she came back she was faced with an all new and improved (on her game) Matty. Matty has since had Minny in a super choke hold. It just ain't right.

I haven't heard from Minny all week. Each time I go to eat something I know I shouldn't, I wait to hear from her. All I get is that mean ass Matty saying, "Girl we got this. Matter of fact, eat enough to feed Minny's hungry ass too."  And I do. I happily oblige. I need a whoopin.

This battle is not over. I'm gonna do something to help Minny out, just not today. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. Minny I'm gon get ya back girl. It ain't over til the fat Matty sings.

Inmate Hides Gun In Fat Rolls

If you're anything like me, which isn't necessarily good or bad,  you probably stopped and took a quick breath after reading the title. It's ok, I'll give you time to digest the fact that a nearly 600 pound Houston MAN (because I'm sure the picture is deceiving), hid a 9mm gun and two clips in between his fat rolls. By now, you should be laughing or chuckling at the least.

It took at least five searches before Houston authorities uncovered the weapon.

Five searches?

Houston, we have a problem. Matter of fact, officers did not DISCOVER the weapon. George Vera confessed to the officers before a shower break. Why tell? Why not wash everywhere except where the gun is? I don't even know why he bothered to do the officers a favor. Can you imagine the backlash the Houston Police Department would've received had the gun been used while he was incarcerated? They actually owe him a BIG thank you for telling on himself. Maybe he forgot. It's like that piece of gum you stuck behind your ear in school. Remember that?

Vera was arrested for selling bootleg copies of CDs, which is extremely confusing to me. Bootleggers have to be strapped now? Did I miss something? Are they bangin on wax "literally"? Do I have to be worried about the CD/DVD man in the Church's Chicken drive-thru line?

Laa, maybe he carried the weapon in case somebody tried to rob him.

Okay, I'll give you that. But if the gun is hidden in between his fat, can he even pull it out in time? I highly doubt Mr. Vera is that quick. Let's play out the scenario.

Robber walks up with a gun and instructs Vera to hand over his money. 

At this point he has two choices, he could either hand over his money or attempt to reach for his 9 milli (I am going to assume this gun is loaded. Two clips were hidden separate from the gun. We don't need to add ANY extra time to the scene). If he tries to go for the nine, he must not only lift up his shirt, but he must also lift whatever fat roll the gun is hidden underneath.

By that time, the robber would have either shot Vera or snatched the cash and ran. So really, why is he carrying a gun? You know, I don't even care to figure out his logic.

Bottomline, George Vera just proved the point of everyone who argues how deadly obesity can be. Being fat is bad because now you can hide automatic weapons in between the flub. Soon as the argument begins, all they have to say is George Vera. What can anyone say to that?

1st Photo courtesy of AP/Houston Police Department

Guess What I Heard? - Mo'Nique

Recently, comedienne and actress Mo'Nique was quoted in Life & Style magazine about sex and her 40 lb weight loss. Here's what she had to say:

"The sex is better! I have so much more energy. I can move around better, and that's what it's all about. I want to lose more, so I'll just keep eating better and exercising, and the weight will come off. It took time to put in on, and it will take time to take if off. It's still okay to be big, but let's be big and healthy. I had to lose some weight to get healthier because I want to be around for a while. I have twin sons who are 3 and a son who is 19, and I want the opportunity to meet their children."


Normally, I would dismiss this comment. Why? Because frankly, who cares? But due to the recent undeserved backlash she's been handed due to blogs and talk shows (I see you Wendy Williams), I must give my two cents.

Now before I start, I have to say that I am really a SOMETIMES Mo'Nique fan. I don't necessarily agree with everything thing she says and does, but I have to show her love because she did a great job bringing light to some of the issues that many black plus-size women face. She helped show the world that not everyone who is overweight falls prey to uber-depressed image society frames us with. I'm not on her side just because she is a fellow fluffy gal, I just give respect to that fact.

A lot of people are taking it upon themselves to "call her out" saying that she really despised being fat and that she wanted to be skinny all along for losing weight and giving props to "skinny sex". But why? She made a choice to live a healthier lifestyle and now she's simply speaking out about the perks!

I feel like if Mo'Nique wanted to be "skinny" that bad, she could've simply gotten her choice of lipo, gastric bypass, lap band (the best), diet cookies, or whatever else they have now to help you shed 200 lbs overnight, years ago. At any moment she could've checked into the clinic and voila! A skinny Mo'Nique is born! (Now you ain't heard this from me, but in SOME circles they are attributing Mo'Nique's recent weight loss to gastric bypass, but shhhhhhh! Keep it on the low)

Also, her statement biggin up "skinny" sex is being dogged out because people feel like she's backtracking on her previous big girl sayings. First, I'm confused as to where "skinny" is coming from. I don't read Life & Style, but in the quote that was released, Mo didn't say SKINNY. Second, what she's saying is true. Speaking from my own personal experience in my smaller days (though they were few), ALL physical activity was easier. I thought that was common sense. The bigger you are, the harder participating in physical activities will become.

I don't know. Maybe people just don't like Mo. Maybe because she challenges society's views about size, it makes some folks uncomfortable. Maybe they wanted her to stay big, because now they have no reason to hate her. Maybe, I just don't know what the hell I'm talking about!

You tell me.